#HUGOT PA MORE

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I think I owe you guys an explanation. I’ve been sharing my life through this blog for years. You’ve seen my ganaps, my hanash and all in between. But for the past few months, I haven’t been updating regularly. Well, yeah you see me update. But when I say really update I haven’t been sharing “my life” with you. And I owe you guys an apology. Sorry na…

Hindi naman secret noh! Haha! Medyo nagulo ang mundo ko. I’ve always been an open book and I think part of the reason why I didn’t really share the ganap here is that I always tried to be a source of happiness and strength for all. Eh d naman ako Orocan na matibay sa ka plastikan, I can’t seem to translate my humor into posts while I was really broken and seeking my balance. So I decided to take a mini break. For me and for world peace. Charot!

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So as I said, I’ve always been an open book. OO NA! NAWALA YUNG FOREVER! hahaha! Alam nyo naman ata naganap sakin. But I don’t entirely blame the loneliness from the unsuccessful relationship. It was more part of growing up. Sometimes, there are things that are just really supposed to stay in one period of our life. These are given to us para may mga makuha tayong leksyon. I lost excitement in myself, and mahirap yun for a person so positive and jolly like me. When I realized that, I knew I had to find my balance. Hindi lang forever ang nawala, pati balance ko.

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So I did things on my own, I made new friends, I made friends for keep and friends that were given to help me cope with the different stages of loneliness. Actually, hindi ako lonely ata. It’s just an emotion na parang lost in translation ako. Nagtampo pa nga my other friends, coz I really took a step back. Alam ko naman love nila ako, that kahit anong inarte nila, eventually they would understand. I had to get out of my comfort zone. I needed a bit of discomfort, a bit of doubt, kahit fear nga para makita ko how I react to things and if yun parin yung taong gusto ko maging. I saw new places, I did new things, I tried to really identify what made me happy and what I enjoyed. I lost that in the process eh. Naging robotic ako, liking the same thing, my decisions were more a routine than choices leading me to who I want to be. So slowly, I regained my balance. And day by day, just like how i didn’t realize the loneliness coming over me, may reverse effect. I became happy.. slowly and on my own. My happiness didn’t depend on anyone. Actually, i enjoyed my own company. That was something na hindi ko alam gawin kasi nga people person ako at ang haba ng mga relationship ko (5 years and 9 years). And you know what, when I became happy alone, I didn’t need that Tom Cruise line na “you complete me.” GURL! Complete ako at umaapaw pa. Dapat pala ganun noh? Umaapaw ka, para marami kang mabigay. Hindi yung naghahanap ka ng pupuno ng kulang. SHHHIEETT! ANG GALING KO DUN HA! HENYA! FOR THE EKONOMY!

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When I became complete, i realized what was important to me. I apologized to people who felt I left them, I reconnected with those who never left my side, and i started seeing the best in people. Nabalik ko si DIVINE! ANG GALING KO TALAGA. hahahaha! kidding aside, I know I’m not the only one who went through this. Invest in yourself. You need that break, do it. You need to step back, do it. Stop living the robotic routine. Find yourself, coz that’s the pnly way to can get back on track. By losing yourself a little, you will see what you are made of. Ang labo noh? But totoo. I needed to know paano ba ako magdecision? eto ba ba yung taong gusto ko maging? When I wake up, masaya ba ako?

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Ok, now to the point of forever. ANG FOREVER NASA PALIGID LANG PALA. ANG FOREVER SAYO GALING. It’s about you opening your eyes. When you start understanding yourself, when you start agreeing na “eto nga yung gusto ko maging tao”, then you start seeing the goodness in life and in people. That’s the only time you can make good decisions. Alam nyo yung happiness is not just about the person making you happy. Hanapin nyo yung mutual kayo. Yung pareho kayong masmasaya pag pinapasaya nyo yung bawat isa. When the relationship is more about the laughter and the smiles. Coz end of the day… happiness comes first. Sino bang tumatawa ng hindi happy? hanapin nyo yung sasakit ang tyanella nyo sa kakatawa. That person is for keeps.

Well, wala pa naman nakakaperfect satin ng love. At kung meron man, hindi ako na inform. Wala rin nabigay na manual sakin. But you know what, not afraid to try. Kasi sobra na ako. Umaapaw. ANG SWERTE NAMAN NI B sakin ngayon! Charot!

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So, I guess I can say I’m BACK…LA!

 

Much love forever,

D

 

  • joenah

    Woooow! I love this post ms divine lee! Napaiyak tuloy ako.. I’m glad that you post this kasi ang daming heart broken ngayon, count me in! Hahaha. I learned a lot from this post. I’m glad you’re back!! We’re actually on the same page ?

  • Thank you for this. Perfect timing. I love you forever.

  • J

    Thank you for sharing this, Div! (Wow close!) Honestly, I needed that one today. Ang hirap lang when people too close to you, suddenly, biglang mawawala. Like you, nawala din ako sa balance or sa ulirat. Kahit na relationship ito with friends, ang hirap din sobra eh. Now, slowly, I am trying to regain my old self back. I will try to love myself more. Thanks and good luck with B. 🙂

  • Ok lang feeling close basta sincere 🙂 kisses!

  • Thank you!